It's raining outside. Though the sky is not blue and the weather is not warm, I feel cozy. This morning, listening to the slow tempo music through the earphone, and walking with an umbrella was quite nice. I used to hate the rain because getting the car messed with water, taking care of my umbrella, and getting wet was the least favorite thing. But after I came to KMLA, I found I can feel the cozy when I walk under the umbrella with the earphones on. It might sound strange, but having the personal place, though it is small, was what I was missing ever since I started living in the dorm. Rain allowed me it. Inside the library, typing, emotions become larger and larger. Well, if not emotion, THINKING would be the alternative. This morning, after the exercise, I took mr.sung hun jae's car. We had extra exercise, and I was the last one who came out of the gym because my ankle hurt so much. I was kind of lame, and going up the staircases. Mr. sung asked what was dist
urbing me, and after hearing the answer, he allowed me to get on his car. Driving to the dorm, he said that I seem to have a lot of complaint judging by my look. In fact, I was. I was supposed to go the court by some kind of parcel violation which I've never heard of and was possibly caused by dorm teacher's fault, and I felt kind of sentimetal by the raining weather. I was so worried about my future dream, major. I felt that I am good at nothing, and got dubious at how come I could get accepted to this school. Lastly, I felt lonely, and like I had no one to trust. Whole bunch of gloomy, blue idea intruded my mind, and I could hardly show the smile on the face. However, I never thought my look was showing my emotion and mind, which was incredibly silly. I thought I was quite good at hiding the emotion. Even though I always look kind of worried and gloomy, I never thought that someone would be looking at my look, which was also incredibly silly. Mr. Sung recommended me to have some time with advisor teacher, or older students. I truly thank him for showing concern for me, though he himself could have said it in unintended way.
I don't know if I'm supposed to comment on this. Some people don't like their inner thoughts exposed and analyzed by others. Others post their thoughts exclusively for this purpose. I don't know which category you would put yourself in, seeing some peers expressed discomforts at me reading their blogs, but I really hope one wouldn't upload anything unless you want literally anybody reading it.
답글삭제Anyways, to get to the point, yes it was clear you were having trouble these days. They show in your face, in your tiny deviations you make. Though you become yourself again when you're frustrated and feels responsibility pressing down on your shoulders, maybe because it is in those times you again get a grip on yourself, the other times show a different side of you, one riddled with fatigue and lack of passion. I got no answers, I got to advice, I'm not much better off than you are, but remember that the earth will go 'round even when you're so full of disdain and despair...
Hope that helped nothing....