Describe a custom from your country that you would like people from other countries to adopt. Explain your choice, using specific reasons and examples. (500~600 words)
Nowadays, many people know the custom of other
countries due to the development of internet. When I compare well-known customs
of other countries, I sometimes feel proud of our own culture. Among them, I
believe visiting parents regularly on traditional holidays such as Chuseok, and
new year’s day is a custom from my country that I would like the people from
other countries to adopt for two reasons. By visiting them, Koreans can meet and
develop the stronger bond between their family members, and can have a
comforting break time with their family.
To start with, visiting parents regularly on
traditional holiday enables us to meet our family members, which is hard in
weekdays. These days, Koreans can hardly meet their family members because most
of the adults leave their childhood home and live on their own. However,
visiting parents at least twice a year on traditional holiday is such a strong
custom in Korea that it is considered as an obligation being a Korean. Thanks
to this custom, Koreans see their family members whom are usually hard to be
seen. It is similar to a boundary which binds the family members including
cousins, uncles, aunt under the name of family. Also, we can take care of our
parents because we get to see them more often than the people from other countries.
Furthermore, we can have a comforting time with our
family members when we visit our parents
regularly on traditional holidays. It is hard to take a break and look
back at myself in the busy city life. I think family is the best solution for
exhausted mind. Especially, Korean
students in the fierce, intense competition always look forward to Chuseok or
new year’s day. In my case, even within 3 weeks in KMLA, I once have wanted my
family to comfort me and listen to me. When I met my parents last weekend, even
two days with them were enough to refresh myself. Like this, family members,
especially parents, become a comfort by just silently sitting with. When we
visit parents on traditional holidays, we talk, eat, and take a nice nap. A
student like me can also have a sweet break amid the zealous competition. Although
we have to endure heavy traffic if we are to visit our parents on holiday, I
believe visiting them will be a fresh energy to everyone who is tired of
mundane life.
In short, I recommend other countries to adopt
Korean custom of visiting parents on traditional holidays so that we can meet
our family members, and have a break time with our parents. No one would deny
the significance of family members, especially parents. I believe that there’s
nothing time-wasting in visiting parents, and that it is a custom wonderful
enough to be adopted to foreign countries if one of our customs are to be. The
older we get, the harder we get to visit our parents. I hope less people avoid
going to visit their parents on traditional holidays
The first impression that I got from your essay was that it was really well-organized. It consists of two clear points-and a fine conclusion.
답글삭제But what you could develop this essay a little more, are mainly two-I think.
I think that this essay can become much more interesting and persuasive if the arguments were refreshing. Some elaboration were rather cliche and I have heard of them countlessly. Although the thesis that you selected was good, it's regrettful that readers a likely to lose interest as they read on.
Additionally, it seems to me that some of the sub-points in the second body paragraph are very alike to the points used in the first body paragraph. In the last few sentences of the second ", there are direct mentioning about "meeting" and "visiting" family members. Surely, this is completely acceptable 'cause the topic itself kinda demanded this. But your essay will become really fancinating if the arguments were mutually exclusive.
In overall, it was easy to read and I had no difficulties in understanding your points: there was no unnecessary statements or sentences that bores readers. Other than the things that I just stated above, your essay was really nice, and I appreciate it.
Personally, I think it's a very neatly written essay. Your points are clear and it's straigtforward to read.
답글삭제However, I doubt if 'family gathering' is a Korean traditional custom. As far as I know ,people from other countries also gather when holidays come. So, it would have been better if you thought profoundly about your topic.
Other than that, it's a nice essay and I enjoyed reading your essay.
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답글삭제It is easy to read, and it means it is a great essay! I'd like to hear more reasons.. Maybe competition in Chuseok on the road is much severe than student's one! Haha just kidding
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